Wow, it’s amazing how just 10 years ago I embarked on a drastically different journey in my life.  Almost abruptly (it seems), I took a hard right turn and dove off a cliff into an abyss never imagined – into myself.  It was hell and heaven all at once.  And yet through all the  darkness of my unknown, I emerged onto vast plains of countless possibilities.  I could see forever.  What once eclipsed my vision had lifted, revealing a man that had long stared back at me in the mirror, yet I could not see.

He was full of light which pulsed with his loving heart.  He was beautiful.

It was rebirth.  I will never forget that time of my life.  It was 10 years ago – November, 2001.  I had just completed my New Warrior Training Adventure with the ManKind Project.

Happy anniversary to me!

Today I cleaned my desk off and in the process created an area very special to me.  It’s only a few photos, but together they collaborate to reveal a process, a journey that has led me to this point.  I have great joy for the story they tell.

The two drawings on the top (click to enlarge) I created right after multiple visualization processes.  It was an exercise that explored what I am here to do and the imagery came from somewhere other than my left brain.  There was nothing rational about it.  It just came out through my hand. In looking back, the imagery makes perfect sense.

It amazes me how much I know, even though I don’t know I know.

The photo in the middle was taken about 8 years after those drawings were created. It is of the first Out group that Boys to Men Georgia held in Atlanta.  It is symbolic of what happens when I put my passion and love to work for me.  By employing these two huge creative forces and focusing them in a direction that screams due north for me, I have experienced living more fully and with purpose. The rewards are immense.  My cup runneth over…

And then there’s the last two photos (click to enlarge):

From a deer in the headlights to an Elk with purpose.
(Pre and post rites of passage)

 These were taken the same weekend, about 40 hours apart.  On the left was on Friday night and on the right was Sunday afternoon of my rites of passage weekend. 40 hours may as well have been a lifetime.  The photos speak for themselves.

So today I am eternally grateful for change.  And reminded that it all starts with choice.  I chose to change my life and actively begin living my mission. I answered the call – the call to adventure.

The classic Hero’s Journey.

Currently  I am Program Director of Boys to Men Mentoring of Georgia (see links below) – a non-profit organization I co-founded with some other great men.  It is a huge joy to give back by helping  guide teenage boys through the forest of their adolescence.  I am humbled constantly by the courage these young guys show up with.  It is the most fulfilling work I’ve ever been part of.

May I find a way to awaken other men to their mentoring heart.

Another way that I live my mission is to bring others together to inspire, explore and celebrate, most often in rhythmic space.  My wife, Charlotte, and I, under the identity of Village Events, are bringing rhythm circles to the elderly, the school children, to those with special needs, and other groups that yearn for connection and may also have specific intentions. It is a joy to play in this magical place and witness what results.

Thank you ManKind Project for helping launch me on my way. It’s been a sweet 10 years. I am now a rich man with unlimited power drawn from the realization of my own flawed beauty, and now through my boundless joy, my loving heart, my unbridled enthusiasm (passion), respect for integrity, and a devotion to commitment.

Alive and well… and dancing down Mission Road.

(More to come later on in the journey)

Referenced links:
Boys to Men Georgia
Village Events
ManKind Project of Georgia

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THE GRACE

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THE POISE

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THE PREPARATION

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THE LAUGHTER

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THE FOCUS

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THE STUDENT

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THE POWER

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THE BREATH

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THE CELEBRATION
(click image to see larger)

I couldn’t have asked for a better father’s day.  I got to drum with good friends in the morning and spend the afternoon with Curtis.  One week earlier I received a gift from Charlotte and him when they gave me my new gas grill (which I love and have been cooking on frequently – from meat to all kinds of veggies, but that’s blogging fodder for another day).  Today though was that ever-precious “time spent with gift” that just seems to keep on giving.  He and I went to see the new Xmen movie and then ate our favorite burgers at Chili’s.  So simple and yet priceless to be present in every moment for all of that.  I feel blessed beyond measure.  For me it’s not about what’s given, but about what is shared.

I also think about my father this day.  I will call him tonight and reach out to him.  I will offer him the “time spent with gift” because that is what I can share with him.  Not that I have the same kind of  relationship with him that my son has with me, but it is still a time to give and receive love and share my joy and gratitude with him and make lots of space for him to share with me.  It will be great to connect again.

I also wonder what he did for his father on Fathers Day, before his father died while he was still very young.  And what kind of father’s day did his dad have with his grandfather?  I can sit here right now and feel the lineage on my dad’s side of the family and wonder, just wonder what kind of connection they had with each other.

I honor all the fathers that have gone before me and the ones that will come after.  I bless all their struggles and successes in their relationships.  It is what makes us stronger.  And I hope that lessons have been learned and chains broken over the generations so that future fathers may more easily realize the power of freely expressing our love to our sons and daughters – letting go of that “strong and silent” shield and letting them see us as we really are.  May my son know this with his children.

Click on image to see it full size

To all my fathers, great and grand, know that my love and gratitude runs deep for all of you.  You have helped shape me into the man I am, with your DNA and your spirit.  Your hard-earned sweat gave me a trade that has long supported me.  Your models of manhood opened doors and helped me discover my way.

To my son Curtis – I am enjoying every day as a father’s day.  Every one a gift just because you are who you are and we have this time together.   And I will always, ALWAYS love you -  “all the way to the moon and back”.

So quiet and guarded
yet he showed up
looking for something,
anything
to give him clue
that there was more than…
this.

Stepping into his home
it was easy to tell
there was so much unspoken
trying to yell…
it was real, too real
felt on the skin
as mother approached
to greet this one who just may…
be able to help.

He sat there
next to his brother
who would look not further
then eyes at the floor.

The only sound was that of door
calling to exit
now, if ever
but no
that wasn’t the way
it was time to stand
in front of him
no need of his glance
just to take the stance
welcoming him home
to a heart full of love,
an ear that yearns to hear
his beautiful story
that keeps him alone
and guarded with fear.

Another day, in a group of many
silence sat still with him.
With others of his age close at his side
his eyes moved endlessly
any target denied.

When asked directly
few words found pathway
around long held up walls
yet hopefully given
to find he might be…
okay.

Just a couple of words
then back within.

It was later, a glance in the mirror
that I saw the one who hides
beneath the masks
of many disguise.
There he was -
a beautiful boy
with smile pushing
stiffened face aside.

Words joined in,
a chorus of beauty
he shared without question
leaning forward
eyes raised
eager for a part
of something so much greater…
than he.

What a magnificent sight
in that moment,
a light in the dimmed mirror,
happy to be out
(if only just for now)
on the  other side of fear.

~ Matt Zavadil
5/31/2011

Author’s note:
There are many moments in the mentoring of teenage boys that lift me beyond all expectation.  I am truly grateful for all of them.  They are a huge asset in growing me into the man (now the elder) that I’ve always dreamed of.

After a great breakfast at IHOP, we spent a little over two hours sweeping, folding linens, straightening racks of clothing, collecting hangars, taking out the garbage and dusting furniture.  We let the boys and Jmen (the boys who have been through the rite of passage) know the value of being of service to others before we got started by reading to them some quotes of famous people, from Einstein to Jimmy Carter.  Circled out in front of the store in the cold morning air, we spoke to them of the importance of doing the work with intention and to be aware of how others were benefiting from it.

Some of these young guys may not have really understood the scope of their impact until the end when Vicky, the store’s manager, shook  hands and told everyone how much it meant to her that we came out to help.  The boys listened to her as she told them how the money from the store went to help feed and shelter the homeless in Atlanta and provide some of the funding for rehab programs.  With tears in her eyes she thanked us again and we closed out the event with a circle in the parking lot – each teen and man saying what they needed to about where they were at after this experience.

Boys to Men Mentoring of Georgia is dedicated to providing events such as these.   They are rich in what they offer participants.  They are valuable to community.  They build character through the expansion of awareness beyond one’s personal space.

Being of service is part of our hard-wiring as men.  I felt today that things were as they should be – men and boys working side-by-side for the benefit of others.

Share with others what we are doing.  Tell parents about us.  Send them to our website (below).  Tell men in your lives we are looking for mentors.  Help us grow and reach out to more boys who are looking for guidance and acceptance as they attempt to navigate the chaotic waters of their adolescence.

Boys to Men Mentoring of Georgia, Inc.
www.boystomenga.org
mzavadil@boystomenga.org
770-596-7759

“When you help someone up a hill, you find yourself closer to the top”. ~ Brownie Wise

As I finished up my sandwich I looked down to witness the landing and last few moments of a Monarch’s life. It’s beautiful wings vibrated together and then spread out, stretching to their extremes. I could actually see them flex taught, and then it would relax. It did this several times and then vibrated some more with the wings together.

I looked up, closed my eyes and breathed in deep. The coolness of the air filling my lungs. I let it out slow and easy and when I opened my eyes, looked down. The butterfly was still and on it’s back.

Thoughts of just how precious life is flooded through me. I felt lifted all at once and lighter on the bench. I had been gifted a reminder (other than the ache in my knees) of just how short of a time I have on this planet.  A rejuvenated spirit fills me now as I write this. Life… precious life fills me and I am grateful. I still have time left to go for it. To just simply let go and fly in all my beauty and magnificence.

A Monarch only has 2-6 weeks in it’s beautiful adult winged state to do what it needs to do. My friend was complete today and moved on, and I… I still have the choice to live fully.

A world exists beyond my zone
rich with life and beauty
I love to play at it’s outer edge
then dive in to see…

Through it’s folds of textured light
past all my clung to hope
quickened breath and wonder lusts
just beyond my scope.

Humility calls the deeper I go
asking for surrender
it is only then a glimpse is offered
into the One’s amazing splendor.

From out of the depths
of entangled obstruction
rises up the call:

freedom
joy
love

Like a breeze it is felt
blowing against stiff branches -
no yield without a push

a draining
a paining
… and them I am alone

I spin in circles of busy-ness
closing off so you cannot see
that which is me

What if you were to see?
Would you feel that breeze
blowing up from within?
Would you sense my resistence
to my own Soul’s cry?

I feel fear that you will
hear what I cannot hear
see what I cannot see
know what I do not know
or what I will never know

And then I look in your eyes
and I see me
I see you
I see the dance
I feel the breeze
of the call
of the cry
as it rises
through the obstruction

and I move
now yielding to the calling
and I feel … not pain
but just me
and then you
and the freedom
and the love
in my heart
in your heart
in OUR heart

and off I dance
into my life

Everything is different now.

I love these new additions to my community of other friends. Someday I hope they will sing a song that is  inside of me, but first we have some learning to do together. Much learning.