Fear is a Doorway

You break out in a cold sweat. Your stomach cramps or churns with butterflies. Your pulse quickens. Your mind races with reason.

We’ve all been there. Right at our edge. That place where we stop and do the dance of fear. The question is, will we let it stop us again this time? Will we take that step back into our safety zone? You know the place – that familiar place where you feel comfortable and unchallenged, and perhaps even complacent.

Last weekend I participated in a workshop that challenged me to look at what happens in my life when I step away from my edge. It was a sobering experience.  I looked at what I was doing and not doing in my life.  It gave the time to reflect on the choices I’m making and how those choices often get watered down and then therefore fall short of fulfilling my deeper needs, and my dreams for that matter.

I also got the opportunity at this weekend to experience some processes that showed me just how unconsciously I make these choices.   Simple processes that brought up some real foundational fear for me.  I found it interesting that most of them were around relationship, and even more so when I was one-on-one with someone.  Yeah, that’s just like my life.  Staying safe on the other side of my wall.  Wow.  I wonder how much I miss out on in life just because I’m trying to stay safe (stay comfortable) in relationship?  Hmmm…

And then, after an afternoon and evening of exploration into these fertile and shadowy places, I faced a primal fear that was so “real” it seemed impossible to overcome.  It seemed to bring the energy of all my fears right to a focal point by threatening me on a physical level.

The workshop had come to it’s climax and I found myself standing before a fire pit glowing with coals.  The time had come.  Others had already walked across so my mind at least could rationalize with me and combat the impulses in my body that were saying, “fire is hot”, “don’t play with fire”, “if you play with fire, you’re going to get burned”.  All the messages taken on through the years had formed deep-seated beliefs that were doing exactly what they are supposed to do – trying to keep me safe.  But, what if… what if these messages of warning were not true?  What if they were told to me by countless people who were living fearful lives of their own?  And then so cautioning me to be safe?

I looked into the eyes of the man I was partnered with for support.  The same man I felt fear with during the day when it came time to share things about me stood before me and looked back with eyes that assured me I could do this.  It was time. The time is now.  This is the place.

I took the first step and then just walked.  It was over in a second it seemed and I never felt my feet until I got to the other side and wiped them in the grass.  With great joy of triumph, I hugged my partner on the other side.  I had done it.  Fear did not win this time.

Later, when checking my feet for blisters, I was amazed that there were none.  Not one.  My feet were as good as new.

Things are not always as they seem.

Fear is an opportunity.  A doorway into all that is possible AND into what we believe is impossible.  It is that place where we are given that fundamental choice to back off or move forward.  I am amazed at how often that choice presents itself in life.   Sometimes even moment by moment.

Where do you stop?  What do the edges in your life look like?  Where are those places that you come to and begin that all so familiar waltz with yourself – the dance of fear?

I will leave you with some favorite lines of mine.  They speak to me today as much as the day I found them.

Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them . . . and they flew.
– Guillaume Apollinaire