Secret Male Ritual

I’m off this Thursday to head for the woods to join a group of 35 other men, to accomplish the most sacred of tasks – to initiate men. To hold space so that the men coming will be supported as they experience their “ordeal”.

It’s been done for thousands of years in every studied culture on this planet. Rites of Passage. A process that has looked like many things, dictated by the particular culture and their beliefs. Yet these passages have a few things in common, namely: a departure; an encounter/ordeal; and a homecoming. It is the individual’s experience during these three stages, often guided by elders and other initiated men, that defines the passage. It is said to be a critical process in the maturation of the person, as well as the healthy growth and prosperity of the tribe (substitute community, village, country, culture, etc.).

Elder-led, organized, community supported rites of passage are, for the most part, absent from our American culture, and they are also absent from many other “evolved” cultures in our world. Interesting when considering the state our world is in.

It is no coincidence.

And what’s really interesting is that teenage boys (and boys in men’s bodies) know in their gut that they must experience a rite of passage in some way. They are not taught this in school and most parents are unaware of it and so don’t talk about it or guide them to a place where this can happen. But that doesn’t change the fact that somewhere inside them there is a drive to “prove themself”. So what happens instead? These boys create their own initiation through fraternities, hazings, or gangs and many other ways. It seems to provide these adolescents or young men with a sense of having accomplished something big, something they had to overcome and conquer. The problem is though, without the elder support and communities blessing and recognition, the results are often unhealthy and come at a cost to others.

I went through my rite of passage in the fall of 2001 in the woods of North Carolina on the ManKind Project’s New Warrior Training Adventure ( WWW.MKP.ORG ). This fall, seven years later, I am staffing my 17th rite of passage. I will help steward 20 or so men (ages 18 -80) through the bushes of their own jungle, after which they will be welcomed on the other side by family and friends (community). It is a beautiful and humbling experience. One that I cannot fully fathom even to this day. For it is true that there are forces at play far greater than I or any other staff man on this great adventure.

As the time draws closer I wonder if I’m up for this challenge. It is dangerous work. Many of us men have built great walls around ourselves and have invested a great deal of energy in maintaining them. These walls block us from achieving our dreams, or perhaps even having the awareness of what these dreams are. They keep us from healthy, loving relationships, rewarding work, the gift of our own presence, and realizing the magnitude of our REAL power.

I believe what makes a healthy rite of passage so effective at breaking down these walls that confine us, is that we have an ally. We have that voice within that calls for something more. That voice that cannot be avoided. It calls us to adventure. It beckons us to come out of our cave and to live fully.

This weekend 20 or so men will experience an adventure that will be their own unique blessed rite of passage. It will be different for each man. They will discover what it is time for them to see. Their authentic experience will be their gift.

And I am grateful I will be there to witness it.

And the world shifts again.